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There are
10
types of people in the world, those that understand Binary, and those that don't.
There's no place like 127.0.0.1
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C:\
C:\DOS
C:\DOS\RUN
RUN\DOS\RUN
C:\WINDOWS
C:\WINDOWS\GO
C:\PC\CRAWL
M.A.D.D.
Mathematicians Against Drunk Deriving
A neutron goes into a restaurant and asks the waiter, "How much for a meal?" The waiter replies, "For you, no charge."
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

Cartoons

Digital Volt Meter-33K   Four Wire Ohms-31K   Drop Test-45K

Yikes, accident!

Last night, I was walking home from the grocery store and I noticed that the traffic was backed up as if an accident was blocking the road.
Sure enough, the Metro #73 had managed to skid on the slushy street as it was trying to turn a corner and had scored a direct hit on a steel traffic light pole. This was a one-vehicle accident, so it was obvious who was at fault for it. (In addition, the street was only _slushy_; as someone who learned to drive in the Rockies it always amazes me how much trouble a piddling snowfall can cause some people. But I digress.)
Anyway, right after I walked passed the scene of the accident, the driver's window opened and a mostly-eaten apple sailed out of it. I was wondering what on earth was going on, when I looked up and noticed a message scrolling across the green dot-matrix display that normally displays the route number and destination:
bus error (core dumped).

Inspector Sherlock Ohms

(From the Boston College Chemical Bulletin from at least 15 years ago)
Inspector Sherlock Ohms of Standard International Yard was driving across the Wheatstone Bridge in his '09 Maxwell, trying to remember Ava Gadro's number, so he could call her and data for the Policeman's Ball, when suddenly he blew a tire.
"Oh Nernst!" said Sherlock, "I don't have a tire ion with me, but luckily, ammonia short distance from the Ideal Gas Station, run by my friend Sol Vent, who at the moment is freon bail."
Just as Inspector Ohms emerged from the Ideal Gas Station, his tire all fixed, a rubber policeman whizzed by him with his Carnot Cycle going at full speed. Ohms knew he was deuteride by, but he wondered watt made him rush so. He shouted atom, but he was gone, His reaction was instantaneous as he whipped out after him. By radio activity, he learned that Mike Rofarad, Recipro City's top-rankine rookie, was chasing a suspected joule thief. Ohms chased him down Elect Road, around the Dextro Rotary, back over Salt Bridge and up into Farren Heights. He turned left at the Old Ball Mill, down past the Mono-clinic, the Palladium, where there was a mathematical convention, and all the way to the liquid junction at the Endothermic Street. They were almost across the city line when Sherlock's car swerved, and crashed into a van der Waal. The Raman effect ruined his differential, so he couldn't go beyond the limits in it. He quickly volted out of the wreck, and took up the chase on foot. He soon came across Mike, standing in a magnetic field, holding Ann Hydrate and Al Doll at bay.
"Watts the meaning of this?" queried the inspector, and the Copper was quick to explain:
"Well, Sir, I stopped in at the Invar Bar, a local dyne and dance spot, for a couple of quartz of Lambert Beer when I noticed Ann Hydrate sitting alone at a two-place log table. I knew some joule thieves had made a radon Ethyl Benzene's country estate, and I spotted one of the Benzene rings on her along with a para Ethyl's earrings. Anode an explanation of this but before I could torque to her, she was into her coat of rust and out the door. True to the Kopp's Rule, I was quick to follow when I saw her get into her Mercury chrome 8. I knew I was infra tough chase. However, her engine started Fehling just beyond the city limits and I caught her. She had lead me to the missing joules and her accomplice, Al Doll, who was about to barium in a hollow, common log under the square roots in this deserted magnetic field."
"Son, you'll go on nights for this!" beamed Ohms. This, in effect, was a promotion, for in Recipro City, nitrates are much Mohr than those Faraday men.

Dr. Seuss explains why computers crash:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is Interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item! followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless and your systems gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on the mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
till your icons in the windows are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cuz sure as I'm a poet the suckers gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk,
And the macrocode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

Where does all that electricity go?

Author: Dave Barry
(used without permission)
===============
Today's scientific question is:
What in the world is electricity and where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This teaches one that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important lesson about electricity.
It also illustrates how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpet so that they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travel down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.

AMAZING ELECTRONIC FACT: If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have carpeting.

Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios, mixers, etc. for granted, hundreds of years ago people did not have any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place to plug them in. Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer, Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lightning storm and received a serious electrical shock. This proved that lightning was powered by the same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklin's brain so severely that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as, "A penny saved is a penny earned." Eventually he had to be given a job running the post office.

After Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments. Among them, Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond -- almost.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877 was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousand of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879 when he invented the electric company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again.

This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact, the last year any new electricity was generated was 1937.

Today, thanks to men like Edison and Franklin, and frogs like Galvani's, we receive almost unlimited benefits from electricity. For example, in the past decade scientists have developed the laser, an electronic appliance so powerful that it can vaporize a bulldozer 2000 yards away, yet so precise that doctors can use it to perform delicate operations to the human eyeball, provided they remember to change the power setting from "Bulldozer" to "Eyeball."